I Loved You Once
by The Vampire Kaori
Summary: Kagome reflects on her feelings for Inuyasha and tries to convince herself that she doesn’t love him anymore


Kaori: Hey peoples…I really have nothing to say about this fic besides…BEWARE OF TEAR JERKERS!

Jakotsu: -sigh- I have my doubts…

Kaori: -glare- Excuse me?

Jakotsu: You heard me!

Haku: oo calm down now….the readers are watching..

Jakotsu: FUCK THE –

Kaori: -hits Jakotsu in head with mallet- Enjoy people… -glare-

Jakotsu: xx

Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha…I just make the characters suffer…bwahaha!

Summary: Kagome reflects on her feelings for Inuyasha and tries to convince herself that she doesn't love him anymore.

I Loved You Once 

_Dear Inuyasha,_

_I watch you slink off at night when you think we are all asleep, your eyes trembling with the lust for your not-so-secret love while you leave me to sweep myself to sleep. Do you care about what I think? You claim you do, but if that were to be true, you wouldn't constantly run off behind my back to her…thinking I don't know what is going on._

_I'm not a child; I know everything you pitiful dog! I know! And now you know…and all you can do is look at me with that grim expression…the one you always give me when I catch you…or get mad at you. That look that makes my heart melt into a puddle in my chest, the look that somehow makes me change my mind about leaving you there alone with your miserable deceptions and lies. _

_I never left you once did I? Sango says I'm stupid for letting you get away with these things…but who is she to talk right? She allowed Miroku to come crawling back to her after trying to get every stray woman we meet in the roads to bare his child. But I guess Miroku means well…somehow, someway in that twisted mind of his he means well._

_But this isn't about them, iie, this is about us. Me and you…you and I. The living miko and the hanyou. I know…there never really was an us, but a girl can dream can't she? A girl can wish for her greatest fantasy to come true; it's not a crime._

_Though sometimes I think it is, sometimes I think that my fantasies are crimes…crimes against myself. Because you see, whenever I start to think about you and I, I feel my very soul falling apart inside me, and a new part of me dies along with that little bit of love for you, which is replaced by raw hatred._

_Hate?_

_Do I hate you? Iie. But, hai. How can I not feel it? How can it NOT be there? You hurt me, you hurt me and you know it…yet you don't care. It doesn't seem to bother you one bit that I cry myself to sleep every night, that I cut myself when I'm home alone in my room, trying to bleed away all the pain…that I long for death to take me when my bleeding doesn't work._

_But then, I see your face. I melt inside, knowing that I will never wake up to see that face sleeping peacefully next to me, that those arms will never hold me in the proper embrace that I long for so much from you. Then…the hate comes._

_I see your face in a different light after those thoughts, I see your face as a target, as something I want to smash…as something I want to break into a thousand pieces and burn! So make you suffer like you make me suffer! To watch you scream! To watch you cry! To make tears sting your eyes like you've done to me so many times!_

…_then…another hate comes…_

_A hate for myself, for my life…for everything I have ever done. I look at myself and I see nothing because when you look at me you see the same. You look through me and see her, and no one else. You do not see Kagome Higurashi, iie, so; therefore, Kagome Higurashi no longer exists in both our eyes. She is but a wandering soul forgotten by everyone around her, or she may as well be, because without her love, she is nothing!_

_Inuyasha, I loved you once. _

Kagome's trembling hands held the letter up in front of her tearstained face; she held her breath as she read the words silently to herself.

With a great sigh, she ripped the letter in half and tossed it into the flames of the camps cooking fire. She looked around at her friends, all of them sleeping peacefully…except for Inuyasha, who was long gone seeking Kikyo.

She looked at the scars that darted up her arm, allowing herself to let more tears roll down her cheeks. She hurt herself to cover up how much Inuyasha hurt her…it just wasn't working anymore.

"That letter would never do…" she said under her breath as she watched the paper burn into nothing. She recited the last line, adding on something she dared not write on the paper. "Inuyasha, I loved you once…I love you still."

Kaori: …so…what do you think?

Jakotsu: I think it stinks….Inuyasha should be running to me! Not Kikyo!

Kaori: o.o; …'kay… -turns to readers- Well its not about what Jakotsu thinks, its about what /you/ think! R&R please! And I know its not very long…but its to the point, ne?


End file.
